i'm slowly beginning to see that i'm like most others. i write not for you but for myself. i hope the rain reaches you and delights you and that you know that what you are feeling is delight and that you can spell it and pronounce it and roll the r as you say rain like you used to when you used to say rain. when you could say rain and when you could say all the things i still do and i'm afraid you probably still can't. i wish every new day takes you back and keeps going back till the day you were you and we were just a bunch of foolish young nods and heys and wassups. dear dear s. my hair is turning grey and my joints are creaking and i can no longer write this without crying freely so i am doing this alone so late in the night and you're still such a heartbreaker.